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June 2010

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I'm tired of being all alone

 Today was the first day I had heard from you since you went over seas. I thought for ages that the reason I wasn’t coping was because I hadn’t heard anything from you in four days, which is very unlike our relationship. Apparently, I was coping more before than I am now after reading your blog update and your facebook message.

It started like every other morning has so far. I wake up, check the time on my phone and remember that you’re not here. It’s silly … My phone has been so silent since you left and I’m beginning to wonder if that’s contributing to this funk I’m in. I get up, trudge down to the kitchen, turn my laptop on and head to facebook. I clicked on the red flag indicating that I had a notification, and had to read it twice when I saw your name in the box …

“sup crakkas, just thought i would chime in and say that you suck and that i love you so much and miss you so much”

I stared in disbelief at the fact you’d written on my wall, then it occurred to me that you would have updated your blog too. So I checked it out …

“Fast forward to Paris, the city of love. And boy was I missing mine . Its amazing how quickly one can get homesick when traveling.”

Once again I lost it.  I sat there before my computer in my pathetic state re-reading those words over and over again, just crying.

It wasn’t supposed to be this hard. I’m sick of crying – We haven’t broken up, but you’re just so, so far away from me that I can’t deal with it. If I could I would board a plane this very moment and fly halfway around the world just so I could be with you. I wonder what you would say if I told you that …

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